2021年8月26日 星期四

所謂的「假自閉症」到底是怎麼一回事?

 


導讀

談及「自閉症」,很多人都會問,自閉症的病因和根源到底是什麼?世上突然冒出如此多行為及發育疾病的 「自閉症」兒童,到底是什麼情況?而如今出現較多有交流障礙的孩子則是在提醒我們,在對待孩子的問題上也許存在一些普遍性的不足。

教育學和心理學研究早已發現,幾乎所有嚴重的兒童心理障礙,都是親子關係聯結不良的後果。而導致親子關係聯結不良的兩個重要原因,一是兒童早期和母親接觸機會的匱乏,二是家庭教養方式,尤其是父母教養態度的不恰當

眾所周知,兒童和世界的第一個聯結通道由母親來建立。母乳不僅提供機體成長能量,也提供心理成長能量。母親的懷抱、氣息、聲音等等,所有的陪伴都是孩子的心理奶水。幼年喪母、母親嚴重精神障礙等不可抗拒原因會損傷孩子心理。

與此同時,一位自身再優秀的母親,如果她在孩子幼小時忽略了和孩子相處的重要性,把孩子全部託付給老人或保姆,親子關係淡薄;或長期用教條刻板的方式對待孩子,孩子也會出現心理營養不良。而這正是現代社會生活中,一些父母健全,甚至家境優裕的孩子出現問題的重要原因之一。

...

這也是目前一大批獲得「疑似自閉症」或者「類自閉症」或者「發育遲緩」的孩子背後讓人傷心的真相。這裡面肯定有一部分孩子隨著年紀的增長,漸漸吻合了自閉症的診斷,決定性的原因往往因為基因。而有一部分孩子,正如先前所陳述,實際上是親子聯結沒有做好而導致的。在早期干預時候進行大量的刺激和補償,孩子可以無限接近常人的發育水平

大部分每天來陪讀、做康復訓練的都是孩子的爺爺奶奶。孩子的親生父母大多都是因為生活、經濟所迫,在孩子不會開口說話的時候就離開,外出打工了。而也有一部分自閉症孩子倒是身邊有家長的陪伴,可是要麼是單親母親或父親,不懂得孩子成長的需求,每天倒是穿得好吃的好,但是缺乏母子、父子之間的溝通、交流,把自己的精力放在其他的方面。另外還有的自閉症孩子身邊每天陪伴的既不是父母,也不是爺爺奶奶,而是保姆。試問孩子在這樣的生活環境中,能得到他成長所需要的刺激和引導嗎?

家長們往往忽略了一個問題,孩子對物質的東西要得其實不多,只要有基本保障就可,對家長陪伴的需求卻很高,必須充分。猶如一棵樹長得好不好,不在於種在皇宮還是種在鄉野,種在溫室還是立於風雨,在於根須所觸的土壤和枝葉所承受的陽光是否給了足夠的滋養。溫暖的陪伴,是家長最基本的任務,也是最高的境界。

...

1、孩子在嬰幼兒期,尤其3歲前,和母親、父親接觸很少,孩子託付給老人或保姆帶。

2、工具過多地介入生活,如過度使用電視、電子產品、嬰兒車等,孩子缺少語言及情感的交流環境。

3、在吃飯、睡覺、大便等日常生活問題上教條,對孩子進行過度訓練。

4、家長對孩子包辦太多,幾乎事事代勞或處處指令。

5、對孩子限制太多,總是否定孩子的想法和做法。

6、監護人脾氣暴躁,經常打罵孩子或用冷暴力懲罰孩子。

7、夫妻感情長期不和,家庭氣氛長期壓抑。

8、照顧者性格強勢,凡事不容他人質疑。

9、家中少書或無書,很少有親子閱讀時光,孩子沒養成閱讀習慣。

10、孩子長期缺少玩伴,成長環境過於單調。

以上情況,很多家庭或多或少都有一些,只要不嚴重,對孩子影響並不大。只有這些因素疊加多、程度深,才會構成「創傷性成長環境」。在典型創傷性成長環境下生活的孩子,漸漸會發展出不安全和敏感性人格。這些孩子心理不斷受阻,又無法建立自我成長通道,結果只能是「自閉」或其他形式的精神分裂——這也許就是「自閉症」的成因之一。但並不是有了「成因」就一定會導致孩子心理上的缺失。

...

醫學診斷的「假性自閉症」「類自閉症」「自閉症傾向」等,如果孩子是由於上述的原因造成的發育上的遲緩,家長積極參與孩子的陪伴與訓練,孩子是可以很快迎頭趕上同齡的其他孩子

如果孩子是先天原因導致的自閉症,早期干預的訓練可以幫助防止孩子往更加不善的狀況滑落,穩定他們的問題狀況,在成長發育過程中起到良性的塑造作用。最終,孩子各方面的能力也能得到最好的開發。

不管孩子是真自閉症還是假自閉症,家長們都需要把握好黃金干預時間--7歲以下,為孩子的發育發展打好基礎!




低潮時有可以列舉自己優點安慰自己的朋友比成績好重要

社會性動物中的落單者易被攻擊(參考《蘭花與蒲公英》),青春期孩子主要壓力來源是霸凌(https://flipedu.parenting.com.tw/article/3422),因此在孩子低潮期時,有能夠舉出孩子優點、提供安慰支持鼓勵或遇到霸凌時能協助孩子的同性知心好友可增進孩子的身心健康狀況。

有少數幾位關係緊密且允許孩子做自己的同性知心好友,也比擁有許多關係疏淺的朋友的孩子更快樂。

健康的身心狀況是學習的基礎,孩子出事時有會站在孩子立場親密正向的友誼才能維持健康的身心狀況。

2021年8月25日 星期三

「你怎麼都說不聽?」換句話說,家人溝通更順利

 

「積極傾聽」你已經耳熟能詳,但和家人之間的溝通,你是否已經內化並實踐出來?還是,衝突發生時,你只想要被聽見?簡單三個步驟,練習成為更好的傾聽者,降低家庭緊張感。

「你怎麼都說不聽?」換句話說,家人溝通更順利

圖片來源:Shutterstock

美國心理學家梅麗莎·羅賓遜布朗(Melissa Robinson-Brown)說,積極傾聽是有效溝通的第一步。積極傾聽是最簡單的技巧,但也是最能降低配偶或親子間的緊張感、釋出善意、為對方找台階下的方法。

積極傾聽很簡單,就是用自己的話把對方的話重說一遍。例如,太太說:「這張桌子是大家一起使用的,所以保持桌面清潔很重要,懂嗎?」先生回答:「我聽到了,所以妳希望我把桌上這堆垃圾清乾淨。」這就是積極傾聽。

三步驟,真正聽懂對方

「積極傾聽」這個名詞,最早由心理學家卡爾·羅傑斯(Carl Rogers)在1950年代提出。在積極傾聽的過程中,聽者要去吸收、真正了解、並以同理心去回應發言者。

羅賓遜布朗指出,積極傾聽的難處在於,當衝突發生時,每個人都只想要被聽見,而沒有人想要去傾聽對方。《紐約時報》根據專家建議,整理出「積極傾聽三步驟」,教我們如何成為更好的傾聽者。

1. 表示興趣,不做論斷

德州農工大學傳播研究副教授克里斯托弗·吉爾哈特(Christopher Gearhart)建議:首先,讓你的配偶或孩子盡情發言,不要插嘴。當你在聽的時候,且把論斷放在一旁,不要想「他幹嘛為這種事生氣,這根本是芝麻蒜皮的事」,更不要去想等一下要如何反駁對方。積極傾聽的目的,不只是聽見對方說的話,還要去感受對方的感受,而不是幫他們去評估他們的感受。

2. 提供反饋,標注對方的情緒

聯邦調查局危機談判專家蓋里·諾斯納(Gary Noesner)建議:當配偶或孩子講完以後,用你自己的語言,把他們的意見「換句話說」。或者幫他們「標注情緒」,就是描述他們的感受。用探索性的語氣開頭,例如:「你看起來好像很生氣⋯⋯」或者「我感覺到你似乎很沮喪⋯⋯」

3. 用開放式問句,請對方闡述

諾斯納建議在溝通時,使用開放式的問句,例如:「你想多談談那件事嗎?」或者「我不太懂你剛剛說的話。也許你可以多解釋一點,幫助我理解?」盡量不要用「為什麼?」這種帶有批判意味的問句開頭。

而輪到你說話時,用「我」來開頭,比用「你」來開頭,更容易讓對方聽進去。因為當我們開始用「你如何如何」指責伴侶或子女時,對方會立刻進入防禦狀態。另一方面,用「我」開頭的句子,把焦點集中在你自己的行為,表明你是在闡述自己的感受。

積極傾聽需要練習,也許一開始做得不是很完美,但你的配偶或孩子會感覺到你的用心,使你們之間的溝通更順利。

延伸閱讀



2021年8月24日 星期二

How parents can support English language learning

 


With support from both teachers and parents, children have more chances to use and improve their language.

Can I support my child if I don’t speak English well?

Yes! You can help your child to gain in confidence and feel more motivated by giving them lots of praise and opportunities to practise English. It’s easier for children to learn when they get encouragement at home.

You could also all learn some English together. If you are enthusiastic about learning the language, they will be too.

How can we practise English at home?

Use our free FAQs, tips and resources! Here’s how to get started:

  • Learn little and often: regular practice really helps children to learn a language. Keep activities short and fun (for younger learners 3–10 minutes). However, if your child is enjoying working on their own, let them control their own activity times. 

    FREE, SHORT LEARNING ACTIVITIES FOR YOUNG LEARNERS

    FREE, SHORT LEARNING ACTIVITIES FOR TEENAGERS

  • Build confidence: children are sometimes afraid of making mistakes in front of their classmates. They often feel more comfortable trying things out with their parents. Praise them to create a sense of success and encourage them when they take ‘risks’. 
  • Focus on your child’s interests: teachers prepare lessons that they hope will interest the whole class, whereas you can really focus on your child’s interests. Choose materials together that your child will enjoy the most, whether dinosaurs or dancing!

How involved should parents be with their child’s English language learning?

There is a difference between ‘instruction’ and ‘education’.

  • Instruction is about telling a child what to do and how to do it.
  • Education is about guiding a child to their full potential as they become more independent. 

Parents play a vital role by giving children the courage and confidence to do their work, providing encouragement and helping them develop study skills.

Homework tip: if your child gets stuck, don’t rush in with the solution. Sometimes a child just needs a minute by themselves to work through the problem. If they are still stuck, discuss how they could find out more. For example they could use a dictionary, glossary, past paper example answers or internet research.

What types of rewards are most effective when learning English? 

Rewards can sometimes produce one-time actions, rather than developing long-term study skills. It’s really important to praise effort, not just results and intelligence.

This means praising your child if they have kept going when they’ve found something hard, or found a way to solve a problem by themselves. Research shows that children who receive this type of praise make the best progress in their studies.1

Teachers usually can’t offer rewards other than praise. Parents have many options – and the rewards don’t have to cost anything. For example, you could try:

  • activity rewards: your child earns extra free time to do their favourite activities 
  • social rewards: your child earns extra quality time together with family and friends 
  • asking your child to think about how they would like their effort to be recognised. Their ideas may surprise you!

Will my child copy errors in my language pronunciation?

No. Children can hear differences in pronunciation and their accents are influenced by lots of different things – their teachers, their peer group, actors in films, and so on.

Children’s accents can easily change as they are growing up. From teenage years onwards, pronunciation is more difficult to master. 

Remember, there is no single ‘correct’ English pronunciation. In countries such as Australia, Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, the UK and USA, there are over 100 different regional and local varieties of English.

Furthermore, the majority of people who use English come from other countries all over the world. English speakers are used to hearing lots of different accents – it’s a really important part of learning the language.

Is it confusing for children when their parents speak more than one language? 

No, nothing in our research suggests this is a problem. Remember to plan separate times to focus on each language. If you say a sentence in English and then again in another language, your child will automatically listen for their stronger language and ‘tune out’ the other language.

Don’t worry if your child sometimes gets confused when they’re learning English. It’s normal to have a U-shaped learning curve. One step back, then two steps forward!


1 The New York Times, Helping Students Motivate Themselves (accessed 30 November 2017).

https://www.cambridgeenglish.org/learning-english/parents-and-children/how-to-support-your-child/how-parents-can-support-english-language-learning/

Bilingual Families

 


In some countries, it's common for kids to learn two or more languages at a time and to use them daily to communicate and understand people around them — in fact, some kids grow up in places where four or more languages are spoken.

In countries such as the United States, there may be a dominant language; i.e., the one used by the government, schools, and the community. With this in mind, parents who speak an additional, "heritage" language may face a dilemma: Should we teach our children only the dominant language or should we try to raise them bilingual?

Although it's important to learn the prevailing language in the country where you live, for many people it's also important to have their kids learn the language of their parents, grandparents, and older siblings.

Deciding whether to teach your kids one or more languages is up to you. You may think they need to "start over" in a new country and that they only need to learn the dominant language. However, there are some advantages to raising bilingual kids.

What Does Bilingual Mean?

Being bilingual means understanding and expressing yourself in two languages, and being able to convey your thoughts clearly in both. Being plurilingual means having these skills in more than two languages.

Many people think English is the official language in the United States. This is not really so; whereas some countries have official languages, the United States does not. In fact, in 2004 the United States had around 336 spoken or recorded languages. Some U.S. states, though, are officially bilingual. For example, in Louisiana, English and French are the state's official languages; in New Mexico, the official languages are English and Spanish; in Hawaii, they're English and Hawaiian. So, being bilingual in the United States is not new.

What Are the Advantages of Being Bilingual?

Some research shows that kids exposed to several languages are more creative and better at developing problem-solving skills. Other studies suggest that speaking a second language, even if only during the first years of life, helps build cognitive abilities so that a child will have an easier time learning other languages in the future.

Some experts say that if parents and kids don't speak the same language at home, communication between them may suffer. As a result, parents may lose some control over their children and, over time, kids might turn to negative influences, such as gangs, to regain the sense of belonging they no longer experience at home.

How Can I Help My Kids Be Bilingual?

Several methods can help kids be bilingual. In each, it's very important to expose kids to both languages in different settings and to help them understand the significance of learning each language.

Two approaches are recommended:

  1. The one parent, one languageapproach means that each parent speaks a different language at home during the early years of their child's life. For example, the mother may talk to the child only in English, while the father may use just Spanish.
  2. The minority language at home method allows parents to establish a usage for each language. For example, while kids would only speak Spanish at home, at school they would speak English.

With any method, try not to mix the languages. That is, when you talk to your child in your heritage language, don't mix it with English in phrases or sentences. However, you shouldn't be surprised if your child mingles words of both languages in one sentence. When it happens, correct him or her by casually providing the proper word in the language you are using.

Many materials can help your child learn a second language, including language learning CD-ROMs, video games, videos, and DVDs; music CDs; and battery-operated dolls. It's also easy to find bilingual books and cartoons in Spanish such as Clifford, the Big Red Dog and Dora, the Explorer. And of course, there's always the Internet.

When exposing kids to a second language, consider their hobbies. For example, if a child likes soccer, watch a match in one of the Spanish-speaking stations. If your child likes music, check for the latest albums of artists singing in English and in their native language.

For young kids, use childhood rhymes, songs, and games. As your kids grow, be persistent and creative with your approach. Some parents send their kids to language schools so that they learn the language using a more formal method. Many families also send their kids to their country of origin to spend more time with relatives, either during the summer or for longer periods. Keep in mind that it's also important to have friends who speak a heritage language.

Is There a Cultural Loss?

Some of your culture and some ties are likely to be lost if your child is raised in a new country; however, it's up to you to choose whether you want to pass your cultural heritage to your kids or not.

There is, indeed, an "American" culture. However, remember that for centuries, many people who arrived in America looking for a more promising future kept their native languages and cultures at their homes and in their neighborhoods. However, they learned to speak English and blended in with the American lifestyle. These cultural identities still exist in many families after many generations. For instance, there's an Italian or Chinese neighborhood in almost every big city in the United States. And Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo, and St. Patrick's Day are celebrated with enthusiasm every year.

Fluently speaking a second language may lead to significant cultural benefits. Children learning their cultural heritage language can communicate with their relatives and strengthen family ties beyond the borders. They're also likely to be willing to know the history and traditions of their family's country of origin. Understanding where they come from helps kids develop strong identities and can help them determine where they'll go in the future.

Can it Delay Speech Development?

In some cases, learning two languages at a time may slow language development in comparison with monolingual children. Linguists say that bilingual children may reverse word order in a sentence but, just as kids who speak one language, they'll understand what they mean. As a side note, correction should always be subtle so that a child doesn't feel inhibited.

Some parents are afraid that talking to their kids in another language will hinder English learning at school. The truth is that before they go to school, children will have been in continuous contact with English through TV, the Internet, and friends. Parents are usually surprised by their children's ability to learn English when playing with English-speaking kids in the neighborhood or at kindergarten. Once they start school, kids quickly catch up with their classmates. Then the nature of the problem for parents shifts to how to prevent their kids from speaking only English.

Some Challenges

Some kids may not be very excited at the thought of speaking their parents' language. By nature, children want to be like their classmates. For example, if their friends speak only English, they might also want to speak just English. Parents who want their kids to speak a second language should continue to speak it at home, regardless of how reluctant their children might be.

Raising Bilingual Kids

Teaching a second language to kids might be a challenge. The fact is that most immigrant families lose their native language at the third generation, but this need not be your case.

Ultimately, your kid's fluency in another language will be influenced by many factors, including personal motivation and parental support. First, decide the level you'd like your child to reach in your heritage language and, then, search for the appropriate resources, such as books and multimedia materials, formal education, or temporary immersion.

Raising kids to be bilingual may help them acknowledge the importance of their culture and heritage, as well as develop a strong personal identity. And it might even be a useful advantage at work when they're adults!




5 Reasons ESL Students and Their Parents Should Speak English at Home

 


 1. Offer More Practice

While practice may not make perfect, it definitely makes improvement. That’s true for any subject, and the more complex the subject is, the more important it is to practice regularly. And English is definitely a complex subject.

Learning and practicing at school isn’t enough to excel. Students need to speak and read English at home, too, to get enough experience to do their best.

2. Emphasize the Importance

Making the time and effort to speak English with your children sends a very clear message: learning English is important. That message alone can make a meaningful difference in how kids approach learning English. It can raise their efforts and focus: two key elements of success.

3. Share the Knowledge

Speaking English at home benefits everyone, especially in families with more than one child. Older children can share grammar and syntax rules that they learn, and younger children can share foundational rules that older children might miss by starting English in a later grade (like pronunciation and spelling rules). And those tidbits can benefit adults, as well.

So simply by talking to each other in English, the entire family learns and improves.

4. Link English to Their Native Language

In public schools, teachers often have multiple ESL students and may not be able to speak the same language as any of those students. Granted, young students tend to learn languages more quickly than adults, and teachers have training and techniques that can help. With that said, there are times when being able to explain something in a language the child knows is invaluable.

That’s where the child’s parents and siblings have an advantage. They can answer questions in a language the child knows well, and sometimes, that clarification can greatly enhance the child’s level of understanding. That’s something children can’t take advantage of if they don’t speak English around their parents!

5. Keeps the Parents Updated on the Student’s Progress

When do parents know their child’s skill level best? When they are involved. Parents who help their children with homework and tutor their children on issues are the ones who have the best understanding of how the students are doing and what they need to work on.

Speaking English at dinner or in the living room may not seem the same as helping the child with a math problem, but in many ways, it is. Pronunciation, vocabulary, listening skills, and grammar are all being practiced and polished through conversation, and at the same time, parents are seeing exactly what their child can do.

That’s 5 advantages to using English in regular conversation at home, and, believe me, teachers see the difference in school as students who were struggling with English begin to make more and more progress. That’s what every parent wants, and in this case, there is a clear and simple way that you can help: speak English at home.

How do you help your kids practice English? Share your tips with other parents!

Author: Elizabeth F., Writer and Teacher at A Grade Ahead


https://blog.agradeahead.com/post/5-reasons-esl-students-parents-speak-english-home/


2021年8月19日 星期四

兒童成長的秘訣

孩子要能健康成長,父母幫忙找社會資源、交朋友才是重點,唸書都是構築在這之上的額外發展,地基是社會資源

「一定是你做錯什麼,他們才欺負你」父母這些話,對被霸凌者才是更嚴重的傷害




2019-10-07 00:00 (更新:2019-10-15 11:37)

by Shanni

「不要理他們就好」、「你太敏感了啦」、「是不是你做錯了什麼?」這些話,是你也曾經聽父母說過的嗎? 在上週五新莊 14 歲少女被多人環繞輪流摑掌事件後,昨日又有網友爆料另一起國中校園內的霸凌事件。我們討論,對一個成長階段的孩子來說,霸凌可能發生在兩個場合,一個是學校,另一個則是他們的家。當受害孩童選擇向父母求援時,其實他們不想再聽到這些話:


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九月份開學季,我們關注到近兩週已有兩起校園霸凌事件相應曝光。

根據聯合新聞網報導,在上週五新莊 14 歲少女被十多人環繞輪流賞巴掌事件後,有網友接著在臉書粉專「爆料公社」和「我是新莊人」上轉貼另一起新莊校園內的霸凌影片。畫面中一個青少年被另外三名同學圍繞罰跪,男孩們對他猛踹、連續摑掌,並以言語威嚇警告。受害者男孩抱著肚子蹲在地上,不斷說「對不起」。

在談校園霸凌生成背後的心理學時,我們提到受害者最常出現的情緒是「不明白自己到底做錯了什麼」、「但又無法改變現況」;如同片中受害者少年只能跪求、低聲下氣地道歉。


而其實對一個歷經成長過程的孩子來說,與霸凌相關的場合可能有兩個,一個在校園,一個是在家庭內。我們討論過校園霸凌發生背後的心理學,今天也來談在家的環境當中,受害者孩子最怕聽到父母說的五句話,以及一個家如何可能成為二次加害的場所:

「你不要理他們就好」但若從頭到尾,都不是我主動招惹

作為旁觀者,我們可能經常會有個反應是:「你不去理他們就好了,他們就會自動失去興趣」。然而,希望霸凌自動消失,是一種一廂情願的想法。因為現場往往不是受害者自願或可以控制的場面。

忽視加害者是非常困難的。美國社會工作者 Katie Hurley 指出,當鼓勵逃避,將會讓孩子感覺自己被拋棄而更加孤獨。研究學校及家庭教養的作家 Barbara Coloroso 也提醒,當試圖教育孩子忽略身旁的嘲諷與攻擊時,反而可能讓他們開始降低自我價值,而有「我就是白痴」、「我是啞巴」、「我什麼都不能做」等負面情緒。

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「你要堅強起來」遭遇霸凌,是因為我太過軟弱嗎?

當你告訴受霸凌者,「你要自己堅強起來呀」、「為自己站起來吧」這些話,其實正鼓勵孩子抑制自己內心的恐懼和困難。Katie Hurley 提到,這類型的言語正否定孩子深厚的情感層次,並且可能導致他們的焦慮或抑鬱。

也許你可能只是想給予他們自信心,但Hurley 對此繼續說到,即使有自信的孩子,也很難面對帶有惡意的霸凌者。何況,霸凌通常以群體為單位,孤立的受害者原本就很難反抗。因為從頭到尾,可能就不是他們是否堅強或軟弱的性格問題,而是他們正遭遇一個外界強行介入的、失控的暴力相待。


「你是不是太敏感?」一定是我有錯在先,才讓自己成為箭靶

Hurley 提醒,許多孩子不敢伸出援手,是因為他們擔心自己會被視為軟弱無力、無法處理問題,或被貼上「太過敏感」、「太過情緒化」等標籤。其中女孩子特別容易被如此「質疑」。她指出,這樣的指認,將會削弱孩子們的自尊心。


要孩子對他人公開自己被霸凌是困難的過程。當他們已經在一個情緒低落、開始自我否定的狀態時,他們最害怕的,就是自己遭遇的事件被「特殊化」。這像是在告訴他——你會經歷這些事,都是你本身就有問題。落井下石,將再次加倍他們內心的焦慮。

「你的人際關係,你自己處理」但霸凌不是人際,而是權力關係

我們知道,父母通常希望撫養孩子成為自力更生與獨立的個體。然而,加害者通常會把矛頭指向一個相對無法反擊的同學,並且試圖拉攏更多的人,加入這場霸凌。在這之中經常牽涉的是權力關係,而非人際問題。

美國國家霸凌預防中心專員 Bailey Huston 指出,即使你可能出於善意要孩子為自己站起來,但這句話也可能造成某種傷害——它意味著,你的孩子有責任自己處理這個問題。 何況如同加拿大心理家 Tony Volk 說到的,「一個被欺負的孩子,如果他們可以處理,他們早就會去行動。」他認為,當孩子提出需求,就是因為眼前的狀況是他們無法應付的。

「他們只是年紀太小」那我還有,我的童年選擇權嗎?

當大人對孩子說,「這就是你們這個年齡會發生的事」、「他們只是年紀還太小」時,同時間像在告訴受害者,「這是你的成長必經儀式」。然而同時間,這會使孩子內心真實的痛苦被否定。你像是在告訴他,沒有經歷這段,你就不會轉大人。

因為即使校園霸凌是常見的情況,但不代表那是每個人成長過程中「被合理化」、必須要去接受的挑戰之一。且霸凌是一個故意為之的、有意圖性的傷害,無助的受害者經常被迫只能選擇沈默受苦。因此,這件事不但難以成為所謂「成長的刺激」,更有可能造成抑制孩子成長的毒藥。



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https://www.parenting.com.tw/article/5080419?rec=i2i&from_id=5068740&from_index=4